What's Love got to do with it?

Been reading a lot of things about marriage lately, and them came across this article from Steve Cornell. We throw the word, "Love" around a lot in our culture...I love you honey all the way to I love ice cream. Our teenagers define love based on Vampires and Magicians along with rock stars and videos all aimed at the physical and not the spiritual. God is left out of the, "Love Scene" it would seem. So, I thought I would share Steve's thoughts on the whole idea of feeling like I am in love or feeling like I am not in love and how does that fit with the Biblical model of Love. Enjoy and be challenged as I was. Steve

When I Don't Feel Love for My Spouse

A woman once told me that she planned to leave her husband because she "just didn't love him anymore." I asked her to change the way she worded what she planned to do so that her decision could be understood accurately. I asked her to say it this way: "I am choosing to no longer value my husband and to break my commitment to remain faithful to him."
She declined to word her decision this way but insisted on using terms that made her appear to be a victim of feelings she could not change. She also thought her decision was actually virtuous in its honesty and in her refusal to be a hypocrite.

Being and Behaving in Love

When performing weddings, I raise this question: "What is it that draws people together to be married?" Most answer with one word: love. Yes, love draws us together. But what is love? Is it something we can fall into and fall out of? Is it chemistry? Infatuation? Is it an emotional response or a choice?
Over the years, I people have told me they want to be married because they love each other. I've also had people (like this woman) tell me that they want out of their marriage because they no longer feel love for their mate.
This has led me to ask some serious questions about the nature of love. In my evaluation, I've concluded that we need to distinguish two dimensions of love.

1. Being in love
This dimension is the emotional attraction of love. It's what people mean when they speak of "falling in love." It's usually based on more superficial reactions to appearance and first impressions. Clearly, it's a natural part of human attraction. Though not necessarily wrong, it's not enough to sustain a meaningful and lasting relationship. It's far too superficial. Deeply satisfying relationships are built on the second dimension of love.
2. Behaving in love
This dimension does not depend on feelings and chemistry. It's the love of volition. It's the choice to respond to my mate in a loving manner, regardless of feelings. This dimension of love is a choice to value my mate and seek his or her best. While I can't always make myself feel a certain way, I can always choose to act in a loving way.

In the context of marriage, the distinction between these two dimensions is very important to understand. Most relationships start with a high dose of the being dimension of love and, in most relationships, this feeling diminishes with time. When this happens, the key to keeping the flame of love burning is not pursuing a feeling but deciding to value the other person and be devoted to his or her best---no matter what one feels.
It's a choice to act in love even when we don't feel love. I realize that to many people this sounds almost like a great sin. It sounds as if I am advocating some form of dishonesty but, surprisingly, when we choose to love, the feelings often follow the actions!

Cultural Barrier

We must confront a cultural barrier that threatens this understanding of love. Our culture sends a strong message telling us that above all else, we must be true to our feelings. To do anything else, we're told, would simply be dishonest and hypocritical. So it has become a mark of good character to be true to your feelings.
This cultural ethic is often used to give people a false sense of virtue when breaking deep commitments. By "avoiding hypocrisy" and "being honest enough to admit the loss of feelings," they feel justified---perhaps even virtuous---in breaking their wedding vows.
There is a deep and self-destructive deception in this line of reasoning. It implies that we are somehow victims of our feelings, incapable of mastering them. Feelings come and go with changes in the weather.
But do you go to work only when you feel like going? Do athletes or great musicians only practice when they feel like it? We simply cannot live a healthy and productive life if we let our feelings master us. This is especially true regarding relationships.
If we hope to experience deep and lasting relationships as intended by God, love must be understood as an action more than a feeling.
Remember that God demonstrated his love for us not because we are a warm, lovable group of people whom he could not resist. Instead, "God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8). This is the kind of love husbands are commanded to show toward their wives (Ephesians 5:25).
Reflect often on this distinction between being in love and behaving in love. Use this for conversation as couples, in small groups, and with those preparing for marriage.
Reflect also on the best definition of love available to humanity.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails (1 Corinthians 13:1-8a).

Prominent Prayers of the Bible!

          Timothy A. Douglass has complied an impressive list of the major prayer recorded in God's Word for us. In our Church we are currently studying Matthew 6:9-15 and the principles Jesus teaches for prayer. Thought this would be helpful for all to find and read different prayers as a means to see how Jesus teaching is consistent with those who followed God.
          One thought or suggestion would be to read a different prayer a day and simply allow the Holy Spirit to speak and teach you about prayer through the example of Scripture itself.

Old Testament

Abraham’s Intercession for Sodom & Gomorrah Genesis 18:23-33

Daniel's Prayer Daniel 9:4-19

David's Prayer for Protection Psalm 3

David’s Prayer for Favour Psalm 4

David’s Prayer for Guidance Psalm 5

David’s Prayer for Mercy Psalm 6

David’s Prayer from Persecution Psalm 7

David’s Prayer for God’s Help Psalm 13

David’s Prayer Psalm 23

David’s Prayer For Trust Psalm 25

David's Prayer & Fasting Psalm 35

David’s Prayer For Forgiveness Psalm 51

Elijah's Prayer for the Widow’s Son 1 Kings 17:20-22

Elijah's Prayer at Mt. Carmel 1 Kings 18:36-39

Elisha’s Prayer 2 Kings 6:15-18

Esther and the Nation of Israel Prayer & Fasting Esther 4-5

Ezra Prayer & Fasting 8:21-23

Hannah's Prayer for a Child 1 Samuel 1:10-12

Hannah's Prayer of Thanksgiving 1 Samuel 2:1-10

Hezekiah 2 Kings 20

Jacob’s Deliverance From Essau Genesis 32:9-12

Jacob At Peniel Genesis 32:24-30

Jehoshaphat For Deliverance 2 Chronicles 20

Jonah Jonah 2:2-9

Moses Intercession For His People Exodus 32:11-13 32:31-32

Moses Intercession For Miriam Numbers 12:13

Moses and the Lord Exodus 33:12-13 Exodus 33:18

Moses Exodus 33:15,16

Moses & Promise Land Deuteronomy 3:24-29

Moses & Israel Deuteronomy 9:26-29

Moses' 40 Day Prayer Deuteronomy 9:18-20; 9:25-29

Nehemiah's Prayer & Fasting Nehemiah 1:3-11

Nehemiah's Prayer & Fasting Nehemiah 1:3-11

Nehemiah and Israel Prayer & Fasting Nehemiah 9:1

Samson Judges 16:28

Solomon's Prayer for Wisdom 1 Kings 3:6-9

Solomon's Prayer to Dedicate the Temple 1 Kings 8:22-61

Habakkuk's Prayer - Habakkuk 3:2-19

The Prayer of Ezra - Ezra 9:5-15

Daniel's Prayer for the Captive Jews - Daniel 9:4-19

Hezekiah's Prayer when Sick - Isaiah 38:2-8

The Prayer of Jabez - 1 Chronicles 4:10

King Hezekiah's Prayer - 2 Kings 19:15-19

David's Prayer of Thanks - 2 Samuel 7:18-29

New Testament

Jesus Temptation & Fasting Matthew 4:1

Jesus Praying in the Wilderness Matthew 6:6

The Lord's Prayer Matthew 6:9-15 & Luke 11:2-4

Jesus to the Father John 12:27-28

Jesus Prayer of Thanksgiving Matthew 11:25-26

Jesus Prayer for Lazarus John 11:41-42

Jesus High Priestly Prayer John 17

Jesus in Gethsemane Matthew 26:39 & 42

Jesus at the Cross Luke 23:34, 46 Matthew 27:46

The Tax Collector's Prayer - Luke 18:13

Apostles For Divine Direction Acts 1:24,25

Apostles & Believer’s Prayer Acts 4:24-31

Stephen for His Murderers Acts 7:59-60

Paul His First Plea Acts 9:6

Cornelius Prayer & Fasting Acts 10:30-31

Early Church Praying & Fasting for Paul & Barnabas Acts 13:1-3

Paul For the Corinthians 2 Corinthians 13:7

Paul For the Ephesians Ephesians 3:14-21

Paul For the Philippians Philippians 1:3-11

Paul For the Colossians Colossians 1:9-17

Paul's Prayer for Spiritual Wisdom - Ephesians 1:15-23

A Prayer of Praise - Jude 1:24-25

What Does it Mean to Please God?

Rick Thomas writes an insightful piece entitled “The Danger of Trying to Please God.” The counselor in this story sounds way too much like the way many of us preachers preach:

          Sandra has struggled all her life with people pleasing. She said she could not remember a time when she was free from thinking about what others thought about her. The way she dresses, the car she drives, the technology she carries, and the house she owns are all controlled to some degree by what others think of her.

                                           A Peek Into Her Life
          She is fanatical about working out because of her keen awareness of what a “nice looking body” should look like. On a few occasions she has caught herself stretching the truth. She says she spins her stories because the real story doesn’t seem as interesting. She is fearful of bringing a bag lunch to the office because everyone else goes out to a local restaurant to eat. She’d rather go into debt than feeling like the odd man out. She has a low-grade anger toward her boyfriend because he pressured her to have sex with him. She believed he would leave her if she didn’t have sex. She needs to be loved by someone. Having a boyfriend is one of her ways of feeling significant.

          Her biblical counselor quickly discerned that her problem was fear of man (Proverbs 29:25). The counselor told her she needed to be more concerned with pleasing God rather than others.
From there, the counselor laid out a plan of prayer, Bible study, and service oriented activities in order for her to practice a lifestyle of pleasing God. The mistake the counselor made was not carefully unpacking what pleasing God meant to an idolator like Sandra. Sandra is an idolator who has been living a performance-driven, people pleasing lifestyle. When she was told that she needed to be more willing to please God than man, it was not a difficult thing for her to do. People pleasing was what she knew best. Unfortunately, she was not told what pleases God so she did what she has always done–she ratcheted up her obedience.
                                          Who Can Please God?

And a voice came from heaven, You are my beloved Son; with you I am well pleased. – Mark 1:11 (ESV)

          Christ pleases God. Anything the Son does pleases the Father. Jesus came to do the will of the Father and He completed that task perfectly. The Father received the finished work of the Son and now a way has been made for us to please the Father by accepting the Son’s work.

Without faith it is impossible to please him. – Hebrews 11:6 (ESV)

          A Christian, who is living by faith in the works of the Son, is pleasing God. Pleasing God is not about what we do, but about believing in the only One who could authentically please the Father. Even on our best day, with our best works, we would not be acceptable to God.

We have all become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment. – Isaiah 64:6 (ESV)

          Sandra is a Christian. However, she is not seeking to please God by trusting (faith) in Him. She is still performing, but this time she is performing for the Father, hoping to get a good grade. Rather than accepting what is pleasing to God–the works of the Son–she tries to please Him by her obedience. For example, she says she feels more spiritual by going to church. She believes her activity for God gives her more of God. She feels more spiritual when she is doing. She also says that if she misses her prayer time, Bible reading, or a church meeting she feels less spiritual. She will read her 4 chapters each day, even while brushing her teeth so she can check it off.
          Sandra is convinced that if she has her morning prayer time and things go well for her during the day, then she will partially contribute God’s favor on her based on her prayer-time-obedience. As you might imagine, if she does not have her prayer time and things do not go well for her during the day, she feels as though her lack of prayer (disobedience) caused her day to go bad. Sometimes her friends affirm her theology of legalism when they observe her bad day and say, “You must not be prayed-up today.”
As you can see, when her biblical counselor gave her a list of things to do in order to please God,          
          Sandra initially was excited about the list. Any people pleasing, self-reliant, performance-driven person would be.
However, as time went by, she could not juggle her list of spiritual disciplines with the rest of her life. Eventually discouragement and depression set in–she could not keep up. From her perspective, God was not pleased with her–basing this on her poor performance. According to Sandra’s functional theology she could control God’s pleasure by what she did rather than what the Son did. Her understanding of Christ’s work was limited. She believed the Gospel was for her salvation, while her obedience was the primary thing needed for her sanctification. Obedience is obviously hugely important to any Christian. However, the key is to make sure that your obedience is not an effort to please God, but a response to your faith in God.

Speaking Winsomely About Complementarianism

Speaking Winsomely About Complementarianism

Twelve in 2012: Trends in Healthy Churches. Part II

          This is the second part of Tom Rainer's article on trends of healthy churches. These last 6 are excellent but will likely raise more questions than the first 6. Imagine a church that actually considered doing less? Cutting ministry or ministries so that better focus and accountability would be the result of what or how it functioned.          
          I love the fact that a healthy church is also one that wants to not only make disciples but mature disciples. Too many churches are content to pursue quantity and not quality. We are so superficial looking on the outside not even considering the inside of a person. Yet, Christ was unapologetic in His demand for heart purity and holiness, not exterior business or flash...So, give this a read, pray over what you read and allow the Holy Spirit to move you in the direction He wants to make your church a healthy, vibrant church in 2012!

1. These healthy churches have pastors who love the members. That love is obvious in their words, their actions, and their pastoral concern. It does not mean that a pastor is present for every need of a member of a church member; that is physically impossible. It does mean that the church has a ministry in place that cares for all the members. Above all, though, you can sense intuitively when you walk into these churches that the pastor deeply loves the members, even those who may often oppose him.
2. The churches allow their pastors to spend time in sermon preparation. Our research has confirmed over the years that pastors in healthier churches spend more time in sermon preparation than those in other churches. For that to take place, the congregation must understand the primacy of preaching, and they must be willing for their pastor to forego some areas of activity and ministry so he can spend many hours in the Word.
3. There is clarity of the process of disciple making. Such was the theme of the book, Simple Church, written by Eric Geiger and me. For the healthy churches, the ministries and activities are not just busy work; instead they have a clear purpose toward moving the members to greater levels of commitment toward Christ.
4. These churches do less better. They realize that they can't be all things to all people; and they shouldn’t have such a flurry of activities that they hurt rather than help families. So the leaders of these congregations focus on doing fewer ministries, but doing those few better than they could with an overabundance of activities.
5. The process of discipleship moves members into ongoing small groups. A member is almost guaranteed to leave the church or become inactive in the church if he or she does not get involved in an ongoing small group. These groups have a variety of names: Sunday school; small groups; home groups; life groups; cell groups; and others. The name is not the issue. The issue is getting members connected to ongoing groups.
6. Corporate prayer is intentional and prioritized.Prayer is not incidental in these churches. The leadership regularly emphasizes the importance and priority of prayer. The congregation is led regularly in times of corporate prayer.

Twelve in 2012: Trends in Healthy Churches.

          With the beginning of another year and for us here at Grace Baptist Church looking for new Pastors I found this article by Tom Rainer and wanted to share it with you my blog readers. Tom gives some trends that are to be found in healthy churches. I whole-heartedly agree that if we submitting to the power of the Holy Spirit strive for these things we will not only have a God exalting year but one that will transform our lives forever as well.
          May we work together to see these things define us at Grace for God's Glory and our refinement!

          The beginning of a new year inevitably brings a plethora of predictions, resolutions, and trends. I see no need to alter that course in this article. My assignment is simple; but my conclusions are debatable. I am providing twelve trends for 2012 in the healthiest churches we have observed.

          A few caveats are necessary.
          First, the trends are for healthy churches. They are not inclusive of all 400,000 American churches, much less the millions of churches around the world.
          Second, the trends are based on both detailed empirical research and anecdotal observations. In other words, I can point to some outstanding research projects for my conclusions in some cases. In other cases, I am simply expressing what I hope is an informed opinion.
          Third, the trends are not ranked in order of any priority.

Today I will share with you the first six of the trends. The final six will be in my article tomorrow.

1. The churches have a high view of Scripture. A number of research projects over the past four decades point to this trend. Healthy churches have leaders and members who believe the totality of the Bible, often expressed as a view called inerrancy.
2. A large number of church members read the Bible daily. The simplicity of this trend often surprises church leaders. But we can no longer assume that all of the congregants read their Bibles every day. That is a practice that must be encouraged and monitored. In our research on spiritual health of Christian, we found that the highest correlative factor in practicing other healthy spiritual discipline was reading the Bible every day.
3. The churches have a priority and focus on the nations. This priority is manifest in short-term mission trips, in care and adoption of the orphaned, in giving to mission causes, and in the number of congregants who commit their lives to reaching the nations with the gospel.
4. The churches have a missional community presence. The leadership and members do not look at their community as a pool for prospects. Rather, they love their community. They serve their community. The live in their community. They have deep relationships in their community.
5. The congregations have membership that matters. These healthy churches are high expectation churches. Membership is much more than completing a card or walking an aisle. These churches have entry point classes that set the expectations of membership. Church members are expected to serve, to give, to be in small groups, and to be accountable to others. Church discipline is practiced in most of these congregations. Because membership is meaningful, the assimilation rate in these churches is very high.
6. The members are evangelistically intentional. The gospel is central in these healthy churches. As a consequence, the sharing of the good news is natural and consequential. But leaders in these churches do not simply assume that evangelism is taking place. There are constant reminders of the priority of evangelism. There is inherent in many of these churches some type of accountability for ongoing evangelism in a number of contexts.

          There is a lot of bad news in the world today. Indeed there is a lot of bad news in many of our churches today. I am not the metaphorical ostrich with my head in the sand. But I am convinced that there are many reasons to be encouraged about God’s work in our churches.

Why are teens leaving our Church?

          Found this great article today...the title really says it all, "Desperate Time, Desperate Measures: Lets Try the Gospel"
          It is well worth the read and the application right here in our lives in our church in our school today. Give it a read and please tell me what you think. Steve
          It's THE mysterious question. Everyone in church culture is talking about it: "Why are the kids leaving?"
          And then the follow-up questions, "Should we start new programs?" "Maybe we should have even awesome-r music?" "Maybe we should rename our church something cool?" "Should our pastor try the half-tuck?"
          Actually, if this researcher's right, and I suspect strongly she is, it has nothing to do with any of that.
          Kara Powell works with Fuller Youth Institute, and talks with Relevant Magazine about their extensive research:

The students involved in our research definitely tended to view the Gospel as a list of dos and do-nots, a list of behaviors. We asked our students when they were college juniors, “How would you define what it really means to be a Christian?” and one out of three—and these were all youth group students—didn’t mention Jesus Christ in their answer; they mentioned behaviors. So it seems like [young adults] have really picked up a behavioralist view of the Gospel. That’s problematic for a lot of reasons, but one of which is that when students fail to live up to those behaviors, then they end up running from God and the Church when they need both the most.

          So youth group kids got the impression that the Gospel was about what we do, not what Jesus already did. They went to church, and got the t-shirts, but they don't understand the Gospel. We can blame THEM, of course - we love doing that, when people don't go for our programs - or we can wonder, did they ever really understand it?
          Did they understand that because of what Jesus already did, God's approval of them is NOT based on their behavior? Did they understand that Jesus knows that we cannot fulfill the law ourselves, and therefore fulfilled it for us? Did they understand why He said, "It is finished!" and the temple veil was torn in two, once and for all? Did they understand they are - truly, seriously, literally - no longer under the law?
          Let's be honest: Probably not. Because when people actually hear the scandalous Gospel, they don't tend to forget it. They can't. If they "got it", they wouldn't, then, define what it means to be a Christian with behaviors.
          And, as a former youth minister, I can guess why they probably didn't hear it: Because of the well-meaning hey-let's-not-get-too-crazy-with-the-grace folks, who think the radical message of grace needs "balanced", lest people, you know, go nuts and start having sex and killing people simply because their Sunday School teacher convinced them of how good God is.
          Thing is, that grace, through the Holy Spirit, actually CHANGES people. Once they grasp how wonderful it is, how - truly! - amazing grace really is, they don't tend to start sport-hunting humans. They are changed, with a faith that lasts, yes, even through four years of glorious brokenness and learning at State Tech.
          We want to control people. But, there's a problem: We can't control people. You can make a slave out of someone, sure - but even then, you can't control his heart. Perhaps his heart could be won by the shocking love of God, the one that sets him free of religous tyranny, once and for all?
          So I say we go all in. Let's tell them. Let's go ahead and give people the Gospel, the whole, stunning, wonderful thing, and take our chance that God wins their hearts. The risk of telling them the truth, of course, about how GOOD the "Good News" is, is that they'll go morally crazy, which, as we noted, when people "get" grace, doesn't tend to happen. (I realize my parents love me unconditionally. This makes me want to please them.)
          If we tell them the Gospel, which is anti-moralistic, they will not confuse Jesus with moralism. Good thing, too, because moralism is boring. And it doesn't work. And it's a lie. There's that, too.
The risk of NOT telling them is this: They grow up thinking Jesus is just another religion, and they suspect they are moral failures, and go through life missing out on the romance they were made for with their Creator. They'll feel like their beating their heads against a wall, constantly playing a morals game, with the sneaking suspicion they're not really winning. They'll either become Pharisees, or, worse... they'll just walk away. (Wait, is that worse...?)
          And, by the way, that last scenario...? It's happening all the time. So let's go ahead and try the Good News.
          Oh - one more reason to go ahead and tell them the whole, scandalous, amazing truth about the Gospel:

It's true.